my ramblings from december to now

Ungrateful waves of desire rushing through my veins, crashing on my face, drowning my brain. Blood's boiling. It'll burn your lips. So don't bring yours next to mine, be it your desire, your veins, your face, your heart, your blood, your lips. Keep it all away. Hide it deep, where no one could find it. The key, your key, the key of you. Don't get me wrong, you'll need to trust, to love, to believe, to lust. Secrets aren't real.

Share the beautiful being you are. The world needs you. All of yourself. Just be sure the key is yours, at all times, the choices are yours, at all times, no one has power over you.

Something rotten, like a bad tooth, the infection threatens to spread. One by one they'll all fill with pus and turn black and die. It will hurt, painlessly. Black steam rising from clear water. Not smoke. Steam. Dark steam from the clearest of waters. Now the white clouds above seem to be mocking us.

Drinking you out of my mind, will you still be there when I wake up?

Get the fog away from my eyes, it's too thick, it's blinding me.

Even the noises are too loud. And the lights too bright. A thousand daggers piercing my eyes. Dela you were one of us. Betrayal I could forgive, but the silence?

Deafening silence makes the whole room cold.

Spring time isn't the same. The birds have stopped chirping. The flowers have stopped blooming. I don't wanna lie, I have stopped loving you. You're still needed. Still essential. Don't be so fucking selfish.

Waves crashing on the shore, coming back to the sea, coming back to the shore

All water is connected

The rain falls on the sea. On the waves.

The foam embracing the sand

You drown.

The water is so cold so cold the salt burns my not yet healed scars

wounds wounds wounds

skin feels raw, the sea ate the rocks

attacked them until only sand was standing, it does the same to the skin, ate it all

ate it all

till you're one with the water

all water is connected

In a race against death, let the sweet water river wash away my sins

blood flooding into the gutter

the magnolias are dying, drying up

the raindrops just slide, never enter the thirsty petals

keep the voices out of my head please

The night is too cloudy to see the stars. Even the moon is hidden in the grey sky, why? Who am I without the moon?

Frosted flowers and fallen angels.

Swimming in a lake, following the sirens' call

Drowning mermaids in a sea made of steam

Let the water swallow me whole

My soul is hard as a rock it's hitting my insides I can't breathe I can't breathe put your lips on mine give me your breath it's purer than mine, pour life into me, one that's clean and shiny, not this decaying, shattered one I've been dragging around oh please I'm so tired let me lay on the ground let me never get up let the Earth stop turning until I'm ready to leave until I'm ready to live.

Drop after drop of the bitter forget-me-not

You're still the sweetest thing even when you're not

How many times, how many places, have I written these for?

They're all the same when your heart's not in it

My heart is somewhere, but where, I've lost it

Don't help me find it

My soul is everywhere, under my skin, swimming in my blood, it won't leave me, but my heart my heart my heart where is my heart

You took it with you didn't you?

But who

Who is it

Who are you

Please give half of it back

The other half belongs to you

I always knew I was only half of something

Not complete

Not broken. Just bent.